Birth Stories
The following was written by a woman who had had traumatic previous experiences. The birth of her third child was at home with us and this is what she wrote. The first part was written on her discharge from my care and the second part was written to Debs and I some months later:
Dear Frances,
It is hard to express our thanks to you. It hasn't been an easy journey and I feel sorry for you having me as a client!! Your patience with having a weeping, angry, fearful and mistrusting woman on your hands was fantastic. We appreciate the many extra hours you put into my antenatal care and all the effort you made to build a relationship with me. I didn't want to like or trust you but found I did both.
Thank you for your flexibility on the day when my labour plans went out the window and thank you for your compassionate and empathic care when I was in such pain at the end.
I don't think I will ever look back on A's birth with complete joy, but it was a healing experience for me and, I hope, my family. You have really made that happen. I feel so much more at peace with myself now.
Thank you for 'taking me on' when many wouldn't and thank you for trusting me and my body. For me to have had that birth and come out of it so well, with my birth history, is a real miracle and blessing.
You embody all the skills of a truly gifted midwife - the ability to work with a woman as a team, a calm attitude, trust, and most importantly of all, the prized ability to sit on your hands until they are really needed!
With lots of love,
Kate
Dear Frances,
You can never imagine the gift that you and Debs gave me. By agreeing to care for me at home, by placing your trust in birth as a normal process, both of you have restored so much to me. I am no longer depressed. R's birth no longer weighs on my spirit like it once did. My body might be more battered but that is more than compensated for by my better health overall. Every day I do things - like walk to places that I recall trying to walk to when R was six months old and I couldn't do it. Now I do these tasks easily. My day to day function is so improved. My family life is better because I don't have PTSD or depression. I am a better mother and wife. And most of all I have a lovely little daughter who was born healthy and unharmed. I can now pass on to my daughters a message of courage and faith when it comes to birth. No-one, unless they have suffered what I did after having R, can ever imagine the extent of the gift I got from you both, not even you who saw me at my worst can really see the extent of that gift.
People like you and Deb are very important far beyond the day to day work you do. You carry a message, you are like the last flickering flame of a dying candle that reminds us of what women can do, how powerful we are and how great we can be at birth. There was once a time when men were terrified of the creative power of women, when society worshipped it and treasured it, and rightly so. We must never let that die completely and as long as there are people like you and Deb working as you do we all have hope.
Lots of love,
Kate